Today's blog challenge was just that...a challenge. I spent all day thinking about it. I wanted to skip it, but then I wouldn't feel right.
I think I have lived a really good life to this point. I have had some minor bumps in the road, but who hasn't. I guess I will talk about how I was an agoraphobic for about a year. When my daughter was about 18 months old, I had a dream that my daughter fell through the railings at a mall close to us and died. I was paralyzed with fear. I remember waking up in a cold sweat thinking that the dream was real. So, I stopped going to the mall...all malls (even though the mall I dreamed about doesn't the type of rails I dreamed about). Then I read one of those email chains about kids being taken out of baskets at Walmart and the people were shaving their heads to sneak them out (where was snoops.com back then...ahh). So, uh yeah, I stopped going to Walmart or really anyplace that had baskets. I then became extremely paranoid that my kid was going to be abducted anywhere I went, so I stopped going places. I went to the grocery store when my husband could watch the baby and I could only be gone for about 20 minutes at a time because I would have panic attacks. I do not really remember how I snapped out of it, but I knew it was gradual. I think it is when I would take her to gymnastics and other "safe" places. I knew that I couldn't live my life in fear anymore, because I wasn't living.
I did a lot of praying and a lot of baby steps, but she is very active outside of the house now. She is also very well educated on personal safety. We go to the mall all the time now (she is a 13 year old girl). I still walk closest to the glass barrier separating her and falling two or three stories. I don't want to tempt fate... :)
I am glad I got this written. I started it 5 or 6 times. There are other things I want to blog about, but they will come in their own time.
See more at Story of my life.
Oh wow it sounds like your phobia was pretty darn serious! I am 20 and to date my mom gets pretty worried about me as well, she doesn't like me going jogging because she thinks I will get raped, she always tells me about stories where people get strangled on their runs and stuff. And I just feel like bad things happen, sometimes there aren't a lot you can do about it, I mean yea you can take precautions but there is no reason to let those fears prevent you from enjoying life.
ReplyDeleteBut anyhow, I am glad you are better now and it sounds like your daughter is very safe and cautious as well. :)
Moms will always worry. I had to just have faith. I still have anxiety issues when it comes to her safety, but I just make sure we both are well informed and aware. We are both living life though and making the most out of it.
DeleteI'm wondering if some of that wasn't hormonal. After having my first child, I went through a similar situation where I was convinced someone would get her. In my case, I knew the someone, but that didn't make it easier. I remember that heart racing, body shaking fear. It was real and powerful. Like you said....baby steps and prayer. It finally worked for me too. You're not alone there my friend. :-)
ReplyDeleteWe are soul sisters. I am so happy and blessed to have found you in this huge internet web. It may have been hormonal. I wished I would have kept a journal during this time, just so I can see how far I have come.
DeleteI cannot imagine what you went through. I used to be so afraid for my teenage sons when they were out on their own. If they were late coming home in my mind I was always running through the funeral plans. How do mothers ever survive to become grandmas? So we can worry all over again! Thanks for sharing this with me
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