Letting go is hard. I confess, I struggle with it a lot. I tend to hold on to anger the longest. I tell myself to let it go, but then I find myself thinking about it a few days later. I keep a journal filled with my thoughts on the situation. I also read my Bible and pray a lot.
Contrary to what people think of me (mainly my real life friends and family) because I am a very extroverted, will talk to anyone and make friends; I am a very private person. I don't really talk about my feelings a lot because it leaves me vulnerable. When I leave myself vulnerable, people take advantage and I get hurt. When I get hurt, I tend to hold on to that hurt and shut myself off from that person.
I can say my biggest success in letting go is talking to my dad after 9 years of being estranged. He didn't meet my daughter until she was 7. It was when my brother was sent to Iraq that I decided that the hurt he caused me wasn't worth the regret I would maybe have later in life if I didn't just forgive and move on. I have a good relationship with him now. It just took letting go and healing to begin.
All I can really say; for me, letting go is hard but I am trying. I can say that I am confident I have let go ever having a well kept house and being the perfect wife and mom. There is no such thing. I am okay with being the mom that makes my kid laugh on a daily basis (hard to do when they are teenagers...lol).
This is part of the Blog Everyday in May Challenge found at Story of my life.
Good job letting go. My dad never forgave his dad, but he let go enough that us kids were able to have a relationship with him if we wanted to. Which I did and I'm glad for. My dad didn't want to and nobody pushed him. I think when it comes to stuff like that it's all personal choice. No one answer is right for everybody and you made the one that was right for you. :)
ReplyDeleteI totally agree. It is a personal choice. My brother still wont talk to me. I keep reaching out and he keeps shutting me down. I really hope one day he is able to let go of what ever resentment he has against me and we can have a relationship again. I am glad you had a relationship with your grandpa even though your dad didn't. Thanks for sharing. :)
DeleteLetting go is so damn hard and I speak from experience. Forgiveness, well i struggle with that one, daily. One day at a time I am getting through this, one day at a time. Allowing myself to know that i dont have to love everybody has been a big help. lisa x
ReplyDeleteI still am guarded when I am around him. I will never fully trust him again, which means I haven't fully forgiven him either. I agree about not having to love everybody and not everybody has to love me. Great insight.
DeleteGood for you for reconciling with your father!
ReplyDeleteI hate being vulnerable too, I made the mistake of opening up too quickly to someone and ended up getting hurt.
It seems I always get hurt when I open up too quickly. It sucks. I tend to keep my walls up.
DeleteMy mom died with my sister not having talked to her in over five years. Breaks my heart to this day that my sister could just not 'let go'. Thanks for sharing You are a fantastic friend!
ReplyDeletePaula, I think you are wonderful. I think you are a fantastic friend as well. Has your sister ever talked about not reconciling?
DeleteSuch beautiful words. I'm starting to think we share a brain because I can ALWAYS relate so closely to what you're saying. I'm also one that, while friendly, social, etc. doesn't share a whole lot, and for that very same reason. And boy can I relate to shutting people out! I've gotten really good at putting up those walls throughout the years. I'm so glad you shared this. Great post!
ReplyDeleteTrinity, I swear we are twins separated at birth sometimes because of who closely our thinking is to each other. I am totally letting people creep up my walls and come on in through this blog. Somehow it is easier to be open with you guys than people I know in real life. I think it is because I have a friend like you who knows exactly how I feel. I am so happy for our friendship.
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