It's been a month since my dad passed away. It is still really hard for me to wrap my brain around. I often pick up the phone and think "I haven't talked to dad in a while" or "Oh, I need to tell dad something". And then the sadness sets in. Yesterday, I was by his work (before he retired in January), and I said to myself "Ooh, I could stop in and surprise dad at work". Except, I couldn't. I really miss him a lot. I miss hearing him say "Are y'all going to come out?" or "What's my baby girl doing?" But really what I miss most is his laugh. I really wish I could hear it out loud again. I can close my eyes and still hear him laughing or saying these things. My mom still has three voice messages from him saved on her phone. All three of them coincidentally involve being at Walmart. When we went to pick up his ashes, my siblings and I all got a tiny urn that has part of him in it. I claimed the smile. We knew my mom got his heart. He sits on my mantle next to my father in law. I know that they are together in Heaven discussing motorcycles and other guys stuff. I know that I will one day get to see him again, but right now it is just really hard.
I talk to my mom everyday. I worry about her. Right now she is still in "I have to get all of the paperwork side of things done". I am afraid of what is going to happen when she doesn't have that distraction anymore. I told her that I would like to go to a grief support group sometime soon. I think it would be good for both of us. I am going to try to upload his memorial video to Youtube so I can share it with those who want to see what a full life my dad led.
A little background of my dad: He was born in 1951 at 6 months premature. He weighed a pound and 12 oz. He was tiny. The doctors thought he was dead so they didn't suction anything. Because of that he was blind in one eye and deaf in one ear. He was a miracle from the beginning.
