May Blog Challenge

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

What I am afraid of...

Day 7

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear."
--- H.P. Lovecraft

I have written about this before.  My fears have not really changed.  I think as long as I have a child; my number one fear will not change.

I fear of something happening to my child.  This fear actually kept me as an agoraphobic for about 18 months when she was a toddler.  It is scary to hear about some of the things happening to children now days.  My kid carries a cell phone to school, and she has never gotten in trouble with it.  I have taught my kid basic self-defense moves.  She has learned to be aware of her surroundings at all times.  She knows to wait for me to go with her to her side of the car if there is someone in the car parked next to me.  I really don't know if I could cope with losing her or worse.  My heart breaks every time I hear of another child abducted or with God because of child abuse.

I have a fear of being trapped.  At first I thought it was claustrophobia, but I came to the conclusion it is of being trapped.  I could be in a large empty room, but if I can't get out I will have a huge panic attack.  I don't even like it when a person is blocking a door.  I don't take escalators or elevators unless I have to.

Birds.  That flapping sound of the wings is enough to break me out into a cold sweat.  I do not like birds at all.  I tried facing the fear once at the zoo by feeding the lorakeets.  Huge mistake.  Like 5 of them attacked swarmed me and fluttered their wings around my face.  I dropped my food and high tailed it out of there.  I love birds like flamingos, owls, peacocks, and penguins.  I think it is because they are beautiful and non-aggressive (well the owl is at night).  Plus, I usually only see them in zoos (except my mom's neighbor who raised peacocks).  Birds in parking lots drive me insane.  It's like they are taunting me as they stand between me and my car.

Ladders.  Not so much heights, but I can't go more than two rungs on a ladder.

I have more of the common ones too like failure, being judged, not being accepted.  Those I generally don't let bother me because those are nothing I can control.  I have to just make the best of what I have.

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10 comments:

  1. The world we are living in is scary and I understand your fear with your daughter. When my sons were growing up I was known as the most over-protective mother ever! And now I am suffering through it once again with the grand kids. I hate it!

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    1. I guess the fear never really goes away. I can see me fearing for my grandkids too. I am a worrier by nature. I also am a very overprotective parent. My kid knows.

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  2. I used to be so scared of ladders too, but during grade 12 I remember I had to hang up these pictures for my art teacher and I had to go up to the highest rung, whew that was scary, but I totally got over my fear :)

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    1. Thats awesome. The last time I was on a ladder that high, I had an anxiety attack. I love heights just hate ladders... lol :)

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  3. Cristy, I have those same fears times 6 and 3 of them are adults. I asked my 15 year old if he felt deprived in any way because he understands why I am the way I am, and he said he didn't feel deprived but maybe he would be a little more outgoing if I had let loose a bit. I guess we'll never know about that one. :-) I try not to worry so much and just pray more.

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    1. I guess the fear never goes away. I don't think my daughter feels deprived. All her friends love me so they don't mind when I hang out with them (really just keeping a close eye on them). I do pray a lot.

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  4. At first I was laughing about the birds, because it reminded me of the parking lots with swarms of them, dropping their "special deliveries" all over cars; However, when you described the flapping wings and the sound...I got flashbacks to the movie. Maybe birds are a little scary. :0)

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    1. A bird left one of his little surprises in my husband's eye. Luckily he was wearing sunglasses. I told him birds were evil! Lol

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  5. I do understand your feeling of being trapped. Whenever I'm stuck in a crowded vehicle with little leg room I want to scream. I feel like I couldn't breathe so I always take the aisle seat whenever I'm in the airplane.

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